why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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