He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
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