MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
