So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
