So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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