We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
