I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
