sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
there is glitter all over my balls
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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