I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
