Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You need Xanax blowdarts
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
