Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
