I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
When are your genitals available?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
