i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
