eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
