She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize