my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
