Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
