you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
