Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
