New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
