I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
