whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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