whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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