I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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