dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize