you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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