home. puking in laundry basket.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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