the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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