Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wish there were birth control emojis
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
