upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
