i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
