i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
