I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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