Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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