Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
