I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize