I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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