so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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