Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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