I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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