i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
