I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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