Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
