Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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