It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I AM VODKA MAN
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
