Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
