I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
