Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think a kid would responsible me up
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
