sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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