And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize