he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
