Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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