I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
