Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
