I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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