hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
please come you make the beer taste better
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
