Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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