i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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