remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
