the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
