I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
