you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
