Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
