I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
