Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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